Title This! (or, yes, I am a complete and total nerd)

Today I went in search of “happy” news after a friend shared a number of news stories about kids dying or killing themselves. (And, honestly, who wouldn’t need a pick-me-up after that? There is a reason I don’t watch the nightly news.) During this quest, I stumbled across the following article about the winner of the “Oddest Book Title” contest. I love the fact that such a contest exists; it amuses me almost as much as the titles that won (my favorite came in fifth: Governing Lethal Behavior in Autonomous Robots). It reminds me of the time that my friend and former college roommate and I created a faux anthology of “stories” that was really just a list of the fun and crazy titles, because we never got around to writing the stories. As a writer I have always loved titles. I won’t judge a book by its cover, but I will judge it by its title. And I hate when a title is more intriguing than the book itself. A few years ago I was disappointed to learn that marketing departments often title books rather than writers…and I stopped picking up interestingly titled novels without in-depth perusals. It also saddened me because I've always titled my stories before writing them. I can't work on a story if it doesn't have a title. It might change, but I have to title it. When I was in school, I titled just about anything I wrote on note paper. After all, there's that huge space at the top of each page that practically screams "Title Me!" One of my biggest pet peeves with art and poetry is when someone calls a piece "Untitled." Why should I spend time looking at something and trying to figure it out if you couldn't even be bothered to title the damn thing in the first place?


The lesson: Titles rock. And if it's odd enough, you could win a prize!

Another Book List for Shits and Giggles

A friend sent me a link to NPR'S "Audience Picks: 100 Best Beach Books" and I wanted to see how many I've already read. (And remind myself of books to which I still need to get.) There are quite a number that I want to read or already have in my "To Read" stack (which takes up a couple of bookshelves in my apartment, sadly).
(color guide: read, own, want to read)

1. The Harry Potter series, by J.K. Rowling
2. To Kill a Mockingbird, by Harper Lee
3. The Kite Runner, by Khaled Hosseini
4. Bridget Jones's Diary, by Helen Fielding
5. Pride and Prejudice, by Jane Austen
6. Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood, by Rebecca Wells
7. The Great Gatsby, by F. Scott Fitzgerald
8. The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, by Douglas Adams
9. Fried Green Tomatoes at the Whistle Stop Cafe, by Fannie Flagg
10. The Poisonwood Bible, by Barbara Kingsolver

11. The Time Traveler's Wife, by Audrey Niffenegger
12. Life of Pi, by Yann Martel
13. The Joy Luck Club, by Amy Tan
14. The Hobbit, by J.R.R. Tolkien
15. The Catcher in the Rye, by J.D. Salinger
16. Gone with the Wind, by Margaret Mitchell
17. Bel Canto, by Ann Patchett
18. The Lord of the Rings, by J.R.R. Tolkien
19. Middlesex, by Jeffrey Eugenides
20. Water for Elephants, by Sara Gruen
21. The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn, by Mark Twain
22. The Bean Trees, by Barbara Kingsolver
23. The No. 1 Ladies' Detective Agency, by Alexander McCall Smith
24. The World According to Garp, by John Irving
25. Catch-22, by Joseph Heller
26. The Prince of Tides, by Pat Conroy
27. Like Water for Chocolate, by Laura Esquivel
28. The Princess Bride, by William Goldman
29. The Accidental Tourist, by Anne Tyler
30. Twilight, by Stephenie Meyer
31. A Confederacy of Dunces, by John Kennedy Toole
32. East of Eden, by John Steinbeck
33. The Red Tent, by Anita Diamant
34. Beach Music, by Pat Conroy
35. One Hundred Years of Solitude, by Gabriel Garcia Marquez
36. Rebecca, by Daphne Du Maurier
37. Ender's Game, by Orson Scott Card
38. Lonesome Dove, by Larry McMurtry
39. The Thorn Birds, by Colleen McCullough
40. The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier & Clay, by Michael Chabon

41. Pillars of the Earth, by Ken Follett
42. Anna Karenina, by Leo Tolstoy
43. Interview with the Vampire, by Anne Rice
44. Cold Mountain, by Charles Frazier
45. Empire Falls, by Richard Russo
46. Under the Tuscan Sun, by Frances Mayes
47. The Count of Monte Cristo, by Alexandre Dumas
48. Even Cowgirls Get the Blues, by Tom Robbins
49. I Know This Much Is True, by Wally Lamb
50. Murder on the Orient Express, by Agatha Christie
51. Little Women, by Louisa May Alcott
52. The Stand, by Stephen King
53. She's Come Undone, by Wally Lamb
54. Dune, by Frank Herbert
55. The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society, by Mary Ann Barrows
56. Love in the Time of Cholera, by Gabriel Garcia Marquez
57. Alice's Adventures in Wonderland, by Lewis Carroll
58. Lolita, by Vladimir Nabokov
59. The Godfather, by Mario Puzo
60. A Tree Grows in Brooklyn, by Betty Smith
61. Animal Dreams, by Barbara Kingsolver
62. Jaws, by Peter Benchley
63. Good in Bed, by Jennifer Weiner
64. Angle of Repose, by Wallace Stegner
65. Snow Falling on Cedars, by David Guterson
66. The Old Man and the Sea, by Ernest Hemingway
67. The Fountainhead, by Ayn Rand
68. Breakfast of Champions, by Kurt Vonnegut
69. Cat's Cradle, by Kurt Vonnegut
70. The Big Sleep, by Raymond Chandler
71. The Sun Also Rises, by Ernest Hemingway
72. The Hunt for Red October, by Tom Clancy
73. Cold Sassy Tree, by Olive Ann Burns
74. The Lord of the Flies, by William Golding
74. Bonfire of the Vanities, by Tom Wolfe [tie]
76. Wuthering Heights, by Emily Bronte
77. Outlander, by Diana Gabaldon
78. The Shell Seekers, by Rosamunde Pilcher
79. Prodigal Summer, by Barbara Kingsolver
80. Eye of the Needle, by Ken Follett
81. Cannery Row, by John Steinbeck
81. The Pilot's Wife, by Anita Shreve [tie]
83. All the Pretty Horses, by Cormac McCarthy
84. The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, by Stieg Larsson
85. The Little Prince, by Antoine De Saint-Exupery
86. The Road, by Cormac McCarthy
87. One for the Money, by Janet Evanovich
88. Shogun, by James Clavell
89. Dracula, by Bram Stoker
90. The Unbearable Lightness of Being, by Milan Kundera
91. Presumed Innocent, by Scott Turow
92. Franny and Zooey, by J.D. Salinger
93. The Secret History, by Donna Tartt
94. Dead Until Dark, by Charlaine Harris
95. Summer Sisters, by Judy Blume
96. The Shining, by Stephen King
97. How Stella Got Her Groove Back, by Terry McMillan
98. Lamb, by Christopher Moore
99. Sick Puppy, by Carl Hiaasen
100. Treasure Island, by Robert Louis Stevenson

Women in the Spotlight: Sarah Palin

In Breakfast at Tiffany's, Holly Golightly says, "There are certain shades of limelight that will wreck a girl's complection." That's the spotlight I choose to shine on Sarah Palin this week. For centuries, women have fought for equal rights, both here in the U.S. and around the world. Sarah Palin is setting us back by a decade or two at least. Women already have to campaign harder to work their way up the political ladder and having someone as inept and blatantly idiotic as she is in the center arena does not make it any easier. A friend linked me to Vanity Fair's article "Palin's Resignation: The Edited Version" and it underscores just how unqualified this woman was for Vice President (or any other political position in my personal opinion). The saddest thing, though, is that she probably worked really hard on that speech and was proud of it. At least that was the attitude I encountered working at my first job proofreading content for apartment newsletters. I learned that many people in our country are so poorly educated in English that they don't even know how bad their writing is. And they got extremely agitated when I fixed the blatant grammatical errors (like subject and verb not matching in number) and say, "I worked on that for hours. How could you rewrite it?" And I wanted to tell them all, "I'm sorry, but you really shouldn't have." Meanwhile pondering how much worse the original version could have possibly been? (And immediately deciding that I'd rather not know.)
Now, this is all just speculation. I don't know how much time Palin spent on this speech or how she felt about it. Or even if it was her who wrote it (though VF made it sound like it). Regardless, she should be embarrassed for having given it, because it's one of the most poorly written (and factually inaccurate--she thought President Lincoln's cabinet was responsible for the purchase of Alaska. Isn't that the kind of thing a state governor ought to know?) things I've read since getting laid off from the newsletter company. My cousin wrote better than that in 5th grade. Sadly, most of her listeners probably saw no more wrong with it than she did. Which ought to serve as an indictment (or, preferably, a wake-up call) to us on the state of public education. Instead that's the first thing governments cut when budget crises strike (just look at California right now if you don't believe me).
Kudos goes to VF highlighting the spectacular-ness of editors. So many newspapers and magazines seem to be dispensing with these positions as they send things online. It's reassuring to know that someone is upholding the integrity of the written word in the media.

Apparently, My Friend Is God (or, biblical history repeats itself)

My friend and I were discussing (some might say arguing) the other day about links she threatened to send me. It all goes back a few years ago when she sent me a link to some comics and said, "By the way, don't read the first one on that page. It is the most disturbing thing I've ever read." Well, of course, I immediately wanted to know what would could possibly be that bad. So I read it. And, quite predictably, I responded with, "GAH!!!! How could you possibly send me that?!?!?" To which my friend said, "I told you not to read that." Which, I was forced to concede, was true.
Anyways, so when my friend says the other day that she found another link in the same forum that that link had come from, I automatically responded with "NO! Don't EVEN send me anything like that again." And she tried to convince me that a) it wasn't anything that bad and b) it was my fault for looking at it the first time. So I brought up the story of Eve from Genesis to explain why it was HER fault because she told me not to read it, so of course I had to read it. I was all like, see, you are like the serpent tempting me with this apple that I'm not supposed to eat by telling me all the reasons I shouldn't. And she pointed out that actually God was the one who told Eve she shouldn't eat the apple from the Tree of Knowledge. Which of course lead to her conclusion: "I'm like f***ing God in that story." (A dangerous concept all on it's own and the whole reason that I had to write this post. Because I had to use that as a title.) And I am unable to resist my curiousity. But I learned my lesson. If my friend says something is disturbing, I now trust her on it. Never again will I question what could possibly be that bad. So history may repeat itself, but hopefully we learn something at least from our own.

Jaxx Recommends...Songs about Celebrity Crushes

One of the problems with living alone is that the silence can become overwhelming. This has developed a bad habit of mine to turn the TV on as background noise most of the time that I'm home. I often end up watching bad TV because of this, though I'm usually (as I was last night) reading at the same time. There's nothing like an evening of silly TV, romance novels and ice cream. Anyways, last night there was seriously NOTHING on that I wanted to watch and hadn't seen multiple times or have on DVD, so I ended up watching America's Got Talent. And it was surprisingly HILARIOUS. Needless to say, there are plenty of freaks in America, way more than people with true talent, I think. But this guy (though definitely not the best singer/performer of the bunch) amused me in a good way. And reminded me of one of my favorite singers of all time: Bree Sharp. I still remember sitting in the auditorium of Drake University in Des Moines with my mock trial teammate and friend listening to A Cheap and Evil Girl on her cd player. "David Duchovny" is the song that got me hooked on her, so it's only right that I post it here along with the song by David Johnson that everyone (and I know the editors flashed the photo of David Hasselhoff and Pamela Anderson together for exactly this reason) thought was just a so-so song about a some random celebrity crush, but luckily Sharon Osbourne held off on pressing her buzzer long enough for the surprise to be revealed. I still can't believe he actually made it on, but I thought it was a great lesson to see the two who pressed their no way buzzers be the ones to vote yes, and the one person who didn't be the one to vote no. And I'll finish this off with the question: What is it about men named David? (Though for the record, I've never understood anyone's attraction to David H.)

Shame on You, Kanye West

I came across a blog post talking about Kanye West's pride at being a non-reader and had to look up the article for myself, despite the fact that I knew it would only make me unhappy. I was reminiscing just a week ago with Citizen B on how Reading Rainbow was one of our favorite TV shows growing up. I think it is horrible that kids now have nothing like that and instead the people who do influence them say things like the following: "Sometimes people write novels and they just be so wordy and so self-absorbed. I am not a fan of books. I would never want a book's autograph." (Kanye West, Reuters.com) He also said that being a non-reader and a college drop-out gave his writing (he just published a "book", by the by, but make sure you don't read it because he wouldn't approve--not that it's a real book, though it may have a cover and pages bound together) a "child-like purity." I would like to point out that sounding like an illiterate idiot is not "purity." It's just flaunting your ignorance and trying to paint it in a positive light. How could any respectable publishing company publish a book by someone who tells people they shouldn't read books? And, Kanye, books can't give autographs and even if they could, I'm sure none would be fans of you either. As a writer, it astounds me the crap that not only gets published, but that people actually pay good money for. And it saddens me because it only serves to lower the value our society places on the ability to read and write well. It is an important tool, no matter what some "celebrities" may say. And I've always believed that if one is too lazy to say something properly, it shows a complete and total disrespect for the person to whom you are talking or writing. It says that you don't give a damn if they can understand you properly. Writing is an ART. And you canNOT write if you don't READ. Reading is the key to success of every kind. If you cannot read, then you cannot manage a corporation; you cannot sign contracts; you cannot communicate effectively with anyone. A world in which people are encouraged to be ignorant and illiterate is not a world in which I wish to live. My favorite bookstore growing up had the best slogan on their bags: "One reader is worth a thousand boneheads." Congratulations, Kanye, you're officially one of the boneheads.

Jaxx Recommends...New Episode of Platinum Grit!

In February, I mentioned Platinum Grit in a post on my favorite web comics. At (over two years) long last, there is a new episode! Whoo!! A perfect time to remind everyone that this comic is completely, totally AWESOME. Though episode 19 will probably make almost no sense unless you've read at least some of the preceding episodes. And of course it raises almost as many new questions as it answers. I can't really say anymore about it without ruining it, so I'll finish by simply saying: READ IT.

A Funny Tax Lawyer? What?

As much as I admire President Obama, I confess to being disappointed by all the tax scandal raised during the appointments to his cabinet. And also found it ironic that the others in question stepped down, while the secretary of the treasury (tim geitner) did not. This is another offering from my dad and it was too intelligent and creative to not post.

Picturing Our Debt

This comes courtesy of my dad and with all the bailout, budget, deficit and bonus amounts getting tossed about in the news, I felt it was apropos and worth sharing.

What does a trillion dollars look like? Using Google Sketchup, here's an idea of what exactly that amounts to.

Let's start with a $100 dollar bill, currently the largest U.S. denomination in general circulation. Most everyone has seen one, slightly fewer have owned one. Guaranteed to make friends wherever it goes.

A packet of one hundred $100 bills is less than 1/2" thick and contains $10,000. It fits in your pocket easily and is more than enough for a week or two of shamefully decadent fun.

Believe it or not, this next little pile is $1 million dollars (100 packets of $10,000). You could stuff that into a grocery bag and walk around with it.

While a measly $1 million looks a little unimpressive, $100 million is a little more respectable. It fits neatly on a standard pallet.

And $1 BILLION dollars. Now we're really getting somewhere.

Next we'll look at ONE TRILLION dollars. This is that number you've been hearing so much about. What is a trillion dollars? Well, it's a million million. It's a thousand billion. It's a one followed by 12 zeros.

Notice those pallets are double stacked and remember those are $100 bills.

So the next time you hear someone toss around the phrase "trillion dollars," that's what they're talking about.

Something else to think about. On The Daily Show the other night, Jon Stewart and his guest economist, Peter Orszag, were discussing the projected deficit for the country. It was around $15 trillion over the next 10 years if we make cuts. So you have to take that last image and multiple it by 15. And you thought it was a horrifying sight by itself? Thank God my personal debt is still below the single pack of $10,000. Which is helped the fact that I have not had any fast food, bought any books, purchased alcohol or spent money going out more than one night a week since February 23rd. Unfortunately, while my friends who gave up things for lent get to start enjoying them again after Sunday, I have to keep up my budget crackdown because I need to limit how much I'm borrowing from my parents.

Happy April Fool's Day! (I love Pandas, too!)

The thing about April Fool's Day is that it's not nearly as much fun when you're grown up and living alone. My sister and I used to get a kick out of pulling pranks on our mom (for some reason, I don't recall us ever playing tricks on one another). There was the year we put a rubber band around the kitchen sink sprayer so that it sprayed her in the face when she switched the faucet on. Then there were the times I set my mom's alarm clock and watch backwards or forwards to confuse her in the morning. We also never pulled tricks on Dad. Mom was always the target. I think there was also an episode with an exchange of salt and sugar. And then, in college, I called her and told her I was eloping to vegas with a boy I met at the coffee shop that afternoon. Now that I'm living alone, there's no one to prank. Nothing to watch out for either. Anyways, because of this I especially enjoy Google's yearly jokes. It must be so much fun to work with such a creative group of people. If you haven't read about CADIE yet, you should. It's hilarious.

I encountered this quote the other day and it's exactly how writing is for me. Yet I'm compelled to keep at it.
"A writer is a person for whom writing is more difficult than it is for other people." - Thomas Mann

Who Says Comedians Don't Ask the Tough Questions?

And the more important thing to ponder: Why does it take a Comedy Show, a News Show Parody, to ask the questions that need to be asked? Jim Cramer whines about how CEOs lied to him, but (and feel free to speak up if you disagree) isn't it the job of the REPORTER to check facts and figure out if the people they're getting their info from are lying to them? If all you're going to do is parrot the lines that CEOs and other executives give you, then aren't you really, for all intents and purposes, nothing more than a Publicist? The companies have PR to spread the news they want people to know. I was under the impression (from my high school newspaper classes and Veronica Mars) that reporters were supposed to research their stories and substantiate their facts with evidence. I say, Jim Cramer, stop your whining. You have the power of the press behind you, learn how to run a fucking financial background check (or whatever they call it). No intelligent CEO is going to go on national TV and say "My company is full of shit and we're going to crash and burn and all your money will go POOF!" It should be taken as a given that they're putting the most positive Pollyanna spin on whatever they tell you. The job of the reporter is to sort the lies from the truth and tell us "the viewer" which is which to the best of their knowledge. As Jon Stewart points out, "Isn't that financial reporting?" and later, "I'm under the assumption and maybe this is purely ridiculous, but I'm under the assumption that you don't just take their word at face value. You actually then go around and try and figure it out."

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	M - Th 11p / 10c
Jim Cramer Unedited Interview Pt. 1
comedycentral.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Important Things w/ Demetri Martin Political Humor

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	M - Th 11p / 10c
Jim Cramer Unedited Interview Pt. 2
comedycentral.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Important Things w/ Demetri Martin Political Humor

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	M - Th 11p / 10c
Jim Cramer Unedited Interview Pt. 3
comedycentral.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Important Things w/ Demetri Martin Political Humor

You gotta admit it. Jon Stewart definitely showed up Jim Cramer, who came across--to me anyway--as a wishy-washy flip-flopper who just says what he thinks people want to hear and whines when anyone points out the inconsistencies. (Side Note: I think that Jim Cramer started this whole thing, took Stewart's original criticism that was aimed at CNBC in general personally, as a publicity stunt to try and get the ratings for his show up. Sad, pathetic man.)

Let the Angry Mobs Arise! (Sharpen Your Pitchforks and Your Wit!)

"Irony is the bringing together of contradictory truths to make out of the contradiction a new truth with a laugh or a smile. I confess that a truth must come with one or the other or I count it as false and deny it the very nature of humanity itself." - Anne Hathaway, Becoming Jane
With that in mind, I present the following Comedy Central videos on AIG. You should also visit Citizen B's blog to join the debate on whether or not the government should tax the bonuses back.

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	M - Th 11p / 10c
AIG Bailout Money Bonuses
comedycentral.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Important Things w/ Demetri Martin Political Humor

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	M - Th 11p / 10c
The Notorious AIG - Outrage
comedycentral.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Important Things w/ Demetri Martin Political Humor

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	M - Th 11p / 10c
The Notorious AIG - Congress Wants to Blame Someone
comedycentral.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Important Things w/ Demetri Martin Political Humor

Since the space node 3 naming contest has closed, I propose a new contest to rename AIG. As everyone now despises the company and all it stands for, it will now have to enter the Witless Protection Program in order to attract future business (in addition to possibly approaching congress for additional bailout funds as the first billion or so may not be quite enough). Feel free to submit your name suggestions in the comments below. If I get any, I'll create a poll of them.

The Colbert Report	Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
Stephen's Angry Mob Will Crush AIG
comedycentral.com
Colbert Report Full Episodes Political Humor Mark Sanford

The Colbert Report	Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
The Word - Keeping Our Heads
comedycentral.com
Colbert Report Full Episodes Political Humor Mark Sanford

What's Your Book Number?

I'm bored at work today, so I decided to figure out my book number. I started by searching for lists of top 100 novels. The first I found was by the Modern Library. It is not listed here, nor will it ever be as it had only 10 novels written by women, of which there were only 5 or so different authors, and it did not have a single one of Jane Austen's books. So not only is it anti-women authors, but the people determining it obviously have no taste. Though I must admit, it probably shouldn't be so surprising that people who like 4 of Joseph Conrad's novels (including Heart of Darkness, which still tops my list of worst books ever written) cannot appreciate the genius and wit of Jane Austen. [Post Note: It has been brought to my attention that their list is limited to 20th century authors, a fact not mentioned on the page with the list I would like to point out. I still cannot agree with anyone who thinks Heart of Darkness is worth reading. And there are DEFINITELY more than 5 women authors worth mentioning from the 20th century. Many of the women authors I read in my modern literature classes were omitted.] Continued searching unearthed BBC's The Big Read which is much more to my liking. (I also found another list that is a bit more high brow, but I'll save that for later.) For now, my Book Number is 33/100. Not too shabby, considering I'm a bad English major (I love me some genre fiction, oh yes I do) and have an incredible dislike for much of the highly lauded literary canon. Anyway, so here's the interactive part of today's post: What's your book number?

Books I have read: 33
Books I have started to read: 4
Books I own but haven't read: 6
Books I have yet to read or buy: 54
Books I refuse to ever read: 3

1. The Lord of the Rings, JRR Tolkien
2. Pride and Prejudice, Jane Austen
3. His Dark Materials, Philip Pullman
4. The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, Douglas Adams
5. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, JK Rowling
6. To Kill a Mockingbird, Harper Lee
7. Winnie the Pooh, AA Milne
8. Nineteen Eighty-Four, George Orwell
9. The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe, CS Lewis
10. Jane Eyre, Charlotte Brontë
11. Catch-22, Joseph Heller
12. Wuthering Heights, Emily Brontë
13. Birdsong, Sebastian Faulks
14. Rebecca, Daphne du Maurier
15. The Catcher in the Rye, JD Salinger
16. The Wind in the Willows, Kenneth Grahame
17. Great Expectations, Charles Dickens
18. Little Women, Louisa May Alcott
19. Captain Corelli's Mandolin, Louis de Bernieres
20. War and Peace, Leo Tolstoy
21. Gone with the Wind, Margaret Mitchell
22. Harry Potter And The Philosopher's Stone, JK Rowling
23. Harry Potter And The Chamber Of Secrets, JK Rowling
24. Harry Potter And The Prisoner Of Azkaban, JK Rowling
25. The Hobbit, JRR Tolkien
26. Tess Of The D'Urbervilles, Thomas Hardy
27. Middlemarch, George Eliot
28. A Prayer For Owen Meany, John Irving
29. The Grapes Of Wrath, John Steinbeck (I read The Red Pony and I refuse to ever read another book by Steinbeck. It was the most pointless book I've ever read.)
30. Alice's Adventures In Wonderland, Lewis Carroll
31. The Story Of Tracy Beaker, Jacqueline Wilson
32. One Hundred Years Of Solitude, Gabriel García Márquez
33. The Pillars Of The Earth, Ken Follett
34. David Copperfield, Charles Dickens
35. Charlie And The Chocolate Factory, Roald Dahl
36. Treasure Island, Robert Louis Stevenson
37. A Town Like Alice, Nevil Shute
38. Persuasion, Jane Austen
39. Dune, Frank Herbert
40. Emma, Jane Austen
41. Anne Of Green Gables, LM Montgomery
42. Watership Down, Richard Adams
43. The Great Gatsby, F Scott Fitzgerald
44. The Count Of Monte Cristo, Alexandre Dumas
45. Brideshead Revisited, Evelyn Waugh
46. Animal Farm, George Orwell
47. A Christmas Carol, Charles Dickens
48. Far From The Madding Crowd, Thomas Hardy
49. Goodnight Mister Tom, Michelle Magorian
50. The Shell Seekers, Rosamunde Pilcher
51. The Secret Garden, Frances Hodgson Burnett
52. Of Mice And Men, John Steinbeck
53. The Stand, Stephen King
54. Anna Karenina, Leo Tolstoy
55. A Suitable Boy, Vikram Seth
56. The BFG, Roald Dahl
57. Swallows And Amazons, Arthur Ransome
58. Black Beauty, Anna Sewell
59. Artemis Fowl, Eoin Colfer
60. Crime And Punishment, Fyodor Dostoyevsky
61. Noughts And Crosses, Malorie Blackman
62. Memoirs Of A Geisha, Arthur Golden
63. A Tale Of Two Cities, Charles Dickens
64. The Thorn Birds, Colleen McCollough
65. Mort, Terry Pratchett
66. The Magic Faraway Tree, Enid Blyton
67. The Magus, John Fowles
68. Good Omens, Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman
69. Guards! Guards!, Terry Pratchett
70. Lord Of The Flies, William Golding
71. Perfume, Patrick Süskind
72. The Ragged Trousered Philanthropists, Robert Tressell
73. Night Watch, Terry Pratchett
74. Matilda, Roald Dahl
75. Bridget Jones's Diary, Helen Fielding
76. The Secret History, Donna Tartt
77. The Woman In White, Wilkie Collins
78. Ulysses, James Joyce
79. Bleak House, Charles Dickens
80. Double Act, Jacqueline Wilson
81. The Twits, Roald Dahl
82. I Capture The Castle, Dodie Smith
83. Holes, Louis Sachar
84. Gormenghast, Mervyn Peake
85. The God Of Small Things, Arundhati Roy
86. Vicky Angel, Jacqueline Wilson
87. Brave New World, Aldous Huxley
88. Cold Comfort Farm, Stella Gibbons
89. Magician, Raymond E Feist
90. On The Road, Jack Kerouac
91. The Godfather, Mario Puzo
92. The Clan Of The Cave Bear, Jean M Auel
93. The Colour Of Magic, Terry Pratchett
94. The Alchemist, Paulo Coelho
95. Katherine, Anya Seton
96. Kane And Abel, Jeffrey Archer
97. Love In The Time Of Cholera, Gabriel García Márquez
98. Girls In Love, Jacqueline Wilson
99. The Princess Diaries, Meg Cabot
100. Midnight's Children, Salman Rushdie

Hell Hath No Fury Like a Woman Unsatisfied

This video never fails to amuse me (and cheer me up). Is there any more perfect revenge? Personally, I've always been part of the camp that likes to imagine that my exes just drop off the face of the earth. It's not that I want them to die precisely, but just not make me aware of their existence ever again. Which is why I could not understand when my ex from 6-7 years ago (a high school boyfriend I should have dumped before college, but I was stupid back then) messaged me on facebook about, oh maybe 9 months ago, wanting me to "friend" him. To which I responded, "I'd rather not," though I wanted to say, "Hell no! What the fuck are you smoking, asshole?" We did not break up amicably. He accused me of cheating on him (I wasn't); I later realized he was probably cheating on me (curse you, Psychology 101). So this post is dedicated to all the asshole guys (and notice I'm not saying all guys are assholes) out there who think they're hot but they're really not.

Something to Ponder

Schadenfreude: Is it wrong that it makes me feel so good?

In an effort to cheer me up this morning, Citizen B linked me to F*** My Life (some of the stories on there are NSFW, consider yourselves warned). And I must say, it helped. It reminded me that at least I'm not dating a cheating bastard and my parents didn't celebrate my birthday on the wrong day for most of my life. It didn't make me feel better about my decision to unhide my profile on the dating site though. I hate dating. It feels so futile. I told Citizen B that I will hold her responsible if I never date again after reading all the horror stories about people in relationships and cheating, etc. on that site. She suggested we become spinsters together and throw things at kids who trespass on our lawns. And I reminded her that she currently has a very nice and considerate boyfriend. Lately, I feel like everyone is hooking up with good guys except me. But my friend Andrea did convince me that I don't need to have a job to start dating again. So I'm going to attempt it. But I'm going to be a little bit pickier this time around.

I'd Happily Settle for a Full-Time Job Offer

His lifestyle requires $3,700/day to support. Whereas support of my lifestyle would only require an $84-$98/day donation (just to put it all into perspective). My friend Citizen B was telling me yesterday about some BagLady blog where this lady who really isn't that bad off complains about having to go without her daily Starbucks and fancy manicures. Pardon me if I can't feel bad for rich people having to go without what I couldn't afford when I was fully employed. And I know I'm luckier than some people because I'm not losing my home or being plunged into a mountain of debt (though another couple of months of unemployment and that may not be the case).

When Zombies Attack Austin...

To continue Tuesday's theme, in addition to attacking my favorite literary characters, apparently the Zombies have struck in Austin as well. KXAN.com has the full story on the hackers, who changed road signs on major streets in Austin to read "Zombies in Area! Run for Your Lives!" As a bonus, they've included a guide to the undead, which has a link to the Jane Austen book my friend Sarah found (their site has much better details about the book than Amazon or BN).It's hilarious. Apparently this is a "very serious crime" but honestly, I can't help saluting the balls and brilliance of whoever did it. If you're worried about your chances against the undead and want to create your very own escape plan, here's a great place to start. My question is, what's with the popularity of zombies all of a sudden? Is it like when all the children's fantasy novels got popular riding on the back of the Harry Potter series? All the paranormal beings are trendy now that everybody's in love with the vampires and werewolves in Twilight?

Jane Austen Poll Results:
P&P wins with four votes. Emma gets second with one and the others lose with zero.

Hello, My Name is Jaxx...

And I'm a Jane Austen Addict. I love reading Regency history, Regency Romance and anything remotely related to Jane's characters. The recent surge of Pride and Prejudice sequels on the book market has been both nirvana and the bane of my existence. There are so many and not all of them are good. And it's very hard to tell the good from the ever so dreadful just by flipping through the pages at the bookstore. So I've had some blunders, but I've also found some wonderful ones (including Pamela Aidan, Linda Berdoll and Helen Halstead). Anyways, today, my friend Sarah sent me an email with a link to this book. Which is possibly the most creative and bizarre P&P version I've ever seen. At least the cover and title are. There's no description of the plot on Barnes & Noble.com, so I don't know what it's going to be about other than Lizzy, Darcy and Zombies. Do the zombies take over P&P? Do they enjoy reading it? I'm guessing it must be a sort of parody with some of Jane's own words since they've kept her name on it? All these questions and no answers. So, of course, I'm going to have to get it and read it. Sadly, it is not available until May 2009. I hate waiting for books to come out. At least I have a date for this one; who knows when they'll decide to release Twilight #3 and Harry Potter #7 in paperback so that I can buy them.

Update: For some reason the BN.com link isn't working reliably. So go check it out at Amazon instead. And (oh yay!) Amazon actually has a description of the book: "Pride and Prejudice and Zombies features the original text of Jane Austen's beloved novel with all-new scenes of bone crunching zombie action." (A side note to Amazon description writers, book titles are supposed to be italicized, not put in quotes. Grrr.) Seriously, violent horror movie and Regency romance combined? There can't be anything more satisfying (or amusing).