Jaxx Recommends...Music to Make You Get Up

I was feeling very down this weekend. Holidays do that to me. Even in college, I still spent most holidays with my family. My grama lived in Lincoln, so when all else failed, I always had family within a twenty-minute drive. Now I feel as if all my family has been ripped away from me. It's especially hard to deal with now that my life is so off-kilter. It was one thing to be on my own in Dallas when I was a successful adult. Now not only do I feel like a failure, but I can't even afford to visit any of my family as the closest members are a very long day of driving away and the rest can't be reached without a plane ticket. So when Citizen B introduced me to Lily Allen's music on Friday, it was exactly what I needed to pick me up. It makes me want to get up and dance and laugh and sing out loud. Her songs are quirky, fun and relatable with just a touch of the ridiculous to them. Her British accent definitely helps, too. There isn't a video for one of my favorite songs, "22" but I've included three of my favorite videos here for those who haven't heard her. Probably everyone already has. My dislike of radio leaves me behind the times on most things music. If you enjoy the ridiculous, check out the video for "Alfie," which is very cute while still having meaning.

"Sun is in the sky. Oh why, oh why would I wanna be anywhere else?" I quite like how this first video is composed with her seeing the world as a bright, perfect place contrasted with what is really there. I often feel like that. I want to think the best of things, but it can be a challenge.

"I don't know what's right or what's real anymore. And I don't know how I'm meant to feel anymore. When do you think it will all become clear? 'Cause I'm being taken over by the fear." Which is how I'm feeling as I start looking more seriously at going to grad school. It seems the only option, but is it really what I want to do? Some days it seems obvious and others I feel like I'm just setting myself up to fail.



I just love this song. Are you truly surprised?



I want to close with lyrics from "22" because it feels so fitting to my life right now:
"When she was 22, the future looked bright. She's nearly 30 now and she's out every night. I see that look in her face, she's got that look in her eye. She's thinking, 'How did I get here?' and wondering why. It's sad but it's true how society says her life is already over. There's nothing to do and there's nothing to say. Until a man of her dreams comes a long, picks her up and puts her over his shoulder. It seems so unlikely in this day and age."

And we're not supposed to want that anymore. I feel like I'm full of contradictions. I'm a feminist who loves romance novels and wants to be married. But I try to say it's different because I don't expect a man to support me. So does that make me complex, or a hypocrite? I was mostly happy being self-sufficient, independent and single before. But more and more I find myself feeling like there's something wrong with me because I'm still single or getting frustrated with the guys I do meet. Is it demanding to want a guy who has read even one book in the last year (or knows where Lincoln, Nebraska is)? I don't care if it makes me a nerd; I love books. I could give up everything else in my life, except for books and writing. And music. I can't imagine dating, much less marrying, someone who doesn't understand my passion for reading. I'm not asking for someone who reads what I read or even the amount I do. I simply want someone who occasionally wants to read something, anything, that isn't a tech manual or magazine. And apparently this is way too much to ask.

But I've gotten off topic. Admit it, her music got your feet tapping. And you're smiling, right? I definitely am (in spite of it all).