I've found myself thinking a lot about my gram lately. I'm not exactly sure why, but maybe it's because I think she'd be happy and proud of what I'm attempting to do (if only I can get through this entire process without losing what's left of my mind). As I've mentioned before, I love the movie Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium. I especially love that it's not truly a kid's movie. It's more about figuring out who you are and accepting the tough parts of life, like losing those you love. The speech that Mr. Magorium gives to Molly Mahoney (who is about my age and going through a similar crisis) before he dies is so poignent. It really hits me and always makes me think of my gram and what a wonderful life she lived before she died my senior year of college. It reminds me not to be sad about it. To remember all the good times we had rather than all the future times we didn't.
"When King Lear dies in Act V, do you know what Shakespeare has written? He's written, 'He dies.' That's all. Nothing more. No fanfare. No metaphor. No brilliant final words. The culmination of the most influential work of dramatic literature is: 'He dies.' It takes Shakespeare, a genius, to come up with 'he dies.' And yet every time I read those two words, I find myself overwhelmed with disphoria. And I know it's only natural to be sad, but not because of the words 'he dies' but because of the life we saw prior to the words. I've lived all five of my acts, Mahoney, and I'm not asking you to be happy that I must go. I'm only asking that you turn the page, continue reading, and let the next story begin. And if anyone every asks what became of me, you relate my life in all its wonder and end it with a simple and modest 'He died.'" - Mr. Magorium
And now it's time for bed, because I've completed two applications and I might just be able to sleep tonight.
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