Life Delivers Another Suckerpunch to the Gut

I'm starting to wonder if I was a murderer or other equally horrible human being in a previous life, because if there is such a thing as Karma, I'm at a loss as to what horrible thing (or things) I have done to earn myself so much crap. As I said to a friend yesterday, "It feels like life is kicking my ass." Because my life doesn't already suck enough, yesterday I got into an accident on the way to a friend's house. Thank god no one was injured and the insurance company is taking care of the other car (it was, of course, declared my fault). Now my beautiful car is marred, but, of course, I cannot afford even the $500 deductible at the moment and it is driveable, so I will have to wait until I am fully employed again to get it repaired. In the past six months, I have: 1) been laid off and unable to find gainful employment; 2) lost my computer and everything upon it to a harddrive crash, and 3) been involved in a car accident. I am desperately hoping that bad things really do only come in threes. If it's not due to Karma, then some more major deity (I used to say minor deity when the occasional shitty thing happened, but I've decided that apparently I've gone beyond that now) is incredibly pissed off at me. How does one go about appeasing deities anymore? I don't have animals to slaughter or crops to burn. I guess I could leave the cookies in the oven too long, but that doesn't seem like much of a substitute. Besides, if that was the answer, I would think that the quiche I spilled on the bottom of the oven and had to clean off last month would have done the trick. I did make sure that I went out this weekend and did not hole up in my apartment too afraid to leave my apartment, but if something good doesn't happen soon, I'm close to giving up on the idea that life outside my apartment is worth interacting with. Oh, to be a Regency-Era lady. I wouldn't need a job. I wouldn't have to drive a car. I wouldn't be single and 26. I could wear pretty dresses. I could go to fancy balls and dance and flirt with handsome men. I could spend my days reading, cross-stitching, drawing and playing the piano. Somedays I just want the simple simplicity of living out my life as a character of a Jane Austen novel. And I realize I would probably have been an impoverished maid, but, fuck it, this is my fantasy world and that means the men are all rich, handsome and honorable and the women are never poor, fat and alone.

I Promise: No More Video-Intensive Posts

Yes, I got a little video-crazy last weekend. Sorry! They were saying what I felt so well, that it made more sense to post that than repeat them poorly. This week has been slow, boring and depressing. No follow-up interview to last Friday's quick meet-and-greet. No call from the company I've made it to the top three at. No response from my application to the ultimate perfect dream job three weeks ago. All I got was the possibility of having my part-time job dry up, a job offer that I believe to be a total scam (FYI: Companies that offer jobs without requiring interviews and then say they want you to receive money in the form of Certified Checks on behalf of the company and then pass the funds along to them are probably NOT legit. This was not what the job posting specified when I originally applied for it or I would have said, "No way!"), and finally yet another rejection email for a job (this one came less than a minute after the email saying they were looking at my resume and writing samples, apparently they didn't need to look very closely to deem me completely unqualified, which is what the rejection email informed me I was). On top of everything else, I planted flowers on my patio today and tonight it's decided to drop below freezing.

The only good things that happened all week were my banana bread that I baked today, which came out absolutely perfect, and I made it to the end of Part Four of Crime and Punishment, only two more parts to go and I'll have finished it!

Who Says Comedians Don't Ask the Tough Questions?

And the more important thing to ponder: Why does it take a Comedy Show, a News Show Parody, to ask the questions that need to be asked? Jim Cramer whines about how CEOs lied to him, but (and feel free to speak up if you disagree) isn't it the job of the REPORTER to check facts and figure out if the people they're getting their info from are lying to them? If all you're going to do is parrot the lines that CEOs and other executives give you, then aren't you really, for all intents and purposes, nothing more than a Publicist? The companies have PR to spread the news they want people to know. I was under the impression (from my high school newspaper classes and Veronica Mars) that reporters were supposed to research their stories and substantiate their facts with evidence. I say, Jim Cramer, stop your whining. You have the power of the press behind you, learn how to run a fucking financial background check (or whatever they call it). No intelligent CEO is going to go on national TV and say "My company is full of shit and we're going to crash and burn and all your money will go POOF!" It should be taken as a given that they're putting the most positive Pollyanna spin on whatever they tell you. The job of the reporter is to sort the lies from the truth and tell us "the viewer" which is which to the best of their knowledge. As Jon Stewart points out, "Isn't that financial reporting?" and later, "I'm under the assumption and maybe this is purely ridiculous, but I'm under the assumption that you don't just take their word at face value. You actually then go around and try and figure it out."

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	M - Th 11p / 10c
Jim Cramer Unedited Interview Pt. 1
comedycentral.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Important Things w/ Demetri Martin Political Humor

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	M - Th 11p / 10c
Jim Cramer Unedited Interview Pt. 2
comedycentral.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Important Things w/ Demetri Martin Political Humor

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	M - Th 11p / 10c
Jim Cramer Unedited Interview Pt. 3
comedycentral.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Important Things w/ Demetri Martin Political Humor

You gotta admit it. Jon Stewart definitely showed up Jim Cramer, who came across--to me anyway--as a wishy-washy flip-flopper who just says what he thinks people want to hear and whines when anyone points out the inconsistencies. (Side Note: I think that Jim Cramer started this whole thing, took Stewart's original criticism that was aimed at CNBC in general personally, as a publicity stunt to try and get the ratings for his show up. Sad, pathetic man.)

Let the Angry Mobs Arise! (Sharpen Your Pitchforks and Your Wit!)

"Irony is the bringing together of contradictory truths to make out of the contradiction a new truth with a laugh or a smile. I confess that a truth must come with one or the other or I count it as false and deny it the very nature of humanity itself." - Anne Hathaway, Becoming Jane
With that in mind, I present the following Comedy Central videos on AIG. You should also visit Citizen B's blog to join the debate on whether or not the government should tax the bonuses back.

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	M - Th 11p / 10c
AIG Bailout Money Bonuses
comedycentral.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Important Things w/ Demetri Martin Political Humor

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	M - Th 11p / 10c
The Notorious AIG - Outrage
comedycentral.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Important Things w/ Demetri Martin Political Humor

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	M - Th 11p / 10c
The Notorious AIG - Congress Wants to Blame Someone
comedycentral.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Important Things w/ Demetri Martin Political Humor

Since the space node 3 naming contest has closed, I propose a new contest to rename AIG. As everyone now despises the company and all it stands for, it will now have to enter the Witless Protection Program in order to attract future business (in addition to possibly approaching congress for additional bailout funds as the first billion or so may not be quite enough). Feel free to submit your name suggestions in the comments below. If I get any, I'll create a poll of them.

The Colbert Report	Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
Stephen's Angry Mob Will Crush AIG
comedycentral.com
Colbert Report Full Episodes Political Humor Mark Sanford

The Colbert Report	Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
The Word - Keeping Our Heads
comedycentral.com
Colbert Report Full Episodes Political Humor Mark Sanford

A Literary Look at Abuse Rhetoric

A few days ago, Citizen B posted a story on abuse and it made me think of Stephen King's Rose Madder (woman tries to escape from her abusive cop husband who turns psycho and then lots of weird shit happens...it is a Stephen King novel after all...but all in all it's a happy story because she does get away from him). Then today I'm reading Dostoyevsky's Crime and Punishment and come across the following defense of this reprehensible man's actions (he propositioned Raskolnikov's sister when she was working as a governess in his house, she refused him but his wife blamed her and fired her):

I pursued a defenseless girl in my own home, and I 'offended her with my infamous proposals'--is that it? (I'm getting a little ahead of myself!) Just suppose, however, that I, too, am a man, et nihil humanum...in a word, that I can be attracted and fall in love (and of course that doesn't happen to us according to our will)...and everything's accounted for in the most natural manner. The whole question boils down to this: am I a monster or am I a victim? Well, you may ask, what do you mean, 'victim'? Well, when I proposed to my object that she run away with me to America or Switzerland, I might have been nourishing the most worthy sentiments all along, and I might even have been planning our mutual happiness! ... my conscience is absolutely clear in the matter [of his wife's recent death, which rumors say he caused]. ... I thought: didn't I contribute to all this...bad luck...by upsetting her morally in some way, or something of that sort? Even that I concluded was definitely out of the question. ... But why do you laugh? Just think: I only hit her twice with the switch. There weren't even any traces that showed...You mustn't think I'm a cynic. I can assure you I know just how beastly it was on my part and all that. I also happen to know for certain, mind you, that Martha Petrovna [his wife] was actually quite pleased with what you might call this little diversion of mine. ... I won't even go into the fact that there are times when women find it very very agreeable to be offended, all their apparent indignation to the contrary notwithstanding. They all have times like that. Man in general enjoys offense--haven't you noticed? But women especially. You might even say it's all they've got to live on. ... We lived quite harmoniously, and she was always content with me. During our seven years together I used the switch only twice in all (not counting a third time that was extremely ambiguous anyway). ... And you thought I was a monster, a reactionary, a serf owner? - Arkady Ivanovich Svidrigailov

The tone of the rest of the novel leads me to suppose that Dostoyevsky is exaggerating an "accepted" point of view in order to make people think about it and consider it more closely. The sad thing is that I still come across stories of abuse (and rape) where men justify their behavior by making similar arguments. "She wanted it." "She was asking for it." I've had people accuse me of being overly cautious because I don't go walking in my neighborhood after dark; I don't go to bars or clubs by myself; and I insist on living in a gated community. But from junior high/high school on up, I've had it drilled into me that I must be careful to avoid situations where I might get raped. That going out late at night in a slutty outfit is a bad idea. I'm not saying I agree with these things. I wish that it didn't matter what I wore or where I went or what time of night it is. The only thing that should matter is whether I want the attentions that may be focused upon me. But the fact of the matter is that this isn't so. Women get raped. Women get hit. Women get verbally abused. And men continue to tell us that we deserve it. That we like it. That underneath it all, we actually want them to do these horrible things. What we need is to help each other (like the woman's boss in the story Citizen B posted) stand up and say "No. We don't. We're not going to take it anymore."

Greenville St. Patty's Parade

Yeah, I know I missed the day, but I had trouble getting the pictures to upload on my blog yesterday. So here they are, my fave pics from Saturday's parade. It was a definitely an experience. Though I learned that St. Patty's Celebrations are decidedly less fun when one is sober.

Thank You, "Wild Words from Wild Women"

"You never see a man walking down the street with a woman who has a little potbelly and a bald spot." - Elayne Boosler

"My take on marriage is this: Why buy the butcher when you can get the sausage for free?" - Jen Kerwin

"If God had meant breasts to be lifted and separated, he would have put one on each shoulder." - Victoria Wood

"Imagination and fiction make up more than three quarters of our real life." - Simone Weil

"Men say they love independence in women, but they don't waste a second demolishing it brick by brick." - Candace Bergen

"We want rights. The flour-merchant, the house-builder, and the postman charge us no less on account of our sex; but when we endeavor to earn money to pay all these, then, indeed, we find the difference." - Lucy Stone

"The more a woman earns or expects to earn, the easier it is for aman to leave with a clear conscience." - Barbara Ehrenreich

"The only place you find success before work is in the dictionary." - May V. Smith

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

My mother sent me a card (from mooning duck) with the following "prayer" and I just had to share it.

Our lager,
Which art in barrels,
Hallowed be thy drink,
Thy kegdom come,
I fill thee mug,
At home, as in the tavern.
Give us this day, our foamy head,
And forgive us our spillages,
As we forgive those who spill upon us,
And lead us not into inebriation,
But deliver us from hangovers.
Barmen.

WE Makes Women Everywhere Look Bad

Saturday was a day of experiences. I'm going to save the St. Patty's Parade fun and pics for tomorrow (it seems more appropriate). Today I'm more interested in analyzing the so bad it's almost funny TV my friends and I got sucked into on Saturday night. WE has a new reality show, called Surprise Wedding. Its premise? Desperate women trick their boyfriends into coming on the show and then propose to them on TV and they're given an hour or so to decide whether or not they want to commit. That in and of itself is enough to send me screaming from the room. Add to it that these women are a) wearing some of the most HIDEOUS, TACKY gowns ever seen and b) spouting cliched cutesy crap like "Let's dive into the next chapter of our life together." (Not the exact quote, but one girl talked about diving, another talked about new chapters. It was all cringe-worthy.) But it's one of those shows that screams train wreck and you just can't help yourself. You must watch. (The America's Next Top Model marathons on Oxygen do this to me. I don't want to watch them, but they suck me in and the next thing I know, I'm hooked and I can't turn it off.) So we're watching the five women propose to their boyfriends (three of whom look decidedly frightened and one I thought would have certainly run from the stage if they hadn't had someone standing there to stop him) and betting which ones would say no. Because we were sure that someone would. Then we learn that none of these women (whose woe is me stories of their boyfriends' inabilities to commit were played earlier) have been with these men for more than two years. And suddenly, I'm all, WHOA, hold on. You cannot possibly be THAT desperate THAT soon. Seriously, I would think that being with a guy for less than two years before a proposal ought to be viewed as a NORMAL time period in which you get to know one another. And this show makes it out to be this incredibly long period of time. After a year and three months (the shortest of the relationships), you should NOT be so desperate to get married that you have to trick your boyfriend into getting married on TV in Vegas wearing a cheap, tacky dress that doesn't fit. And then, just when we thought this show couldn't possibly get any worse, they brought the men out and ALL OF THEM SAID YES. Seriously, what the fuck? Even the guy, who we're not sure, but it's quite possible he's gay and hasn't realized it yet, said yes (he was also the one who looked like he wanted to flee from the stage at the beginning). It totally ruined the show. I mean, we figured going in that at least one would have to say yes, but we also figured at least one would say no. And honestly, we (four girls) were rooting for the guys on this one. As one of my friends pointed out, this is a horrible example for girls out there. It says it's okay to lie and trick your boyfriend. It says that you should be desperate to get married before you really know someone very well. It says that this is an acceptable way to start out your life together. And it's not. Now, I'm waiting for a follow-up show, called Surprise Divorce, where the men bring the women back and announce they're leaving them. This is why I don't like WE. It's almost as bad as Lifetime. Now, if the show had been on Oxygen, the women would have all been with the guys for at least 5 years. The men would all be horrid commitment-phobes like Mr. Big from Sex and the City. Also, all of the men would say hell no. And then the women would throw hissy fits and tantrums, but if you checked up on them six months later, half of them would be back with the guys. Now that would be a show worth watching. As for Surprise Wedding, I won't be watching it again because it's only so bad it's funny if at least one guy says no. Otherwise, it's just a step backwards for women everywhere.

I Watched MILK Today

I've never understood how people who believe in Jesus and a loving God can believe so strongly that God and Jesus hate homosexuals. When I was in Sunday School I remember the church always stressing that Jesus said to "Love thy neighbor as thyself." I was raised on the golden rule, "do unto others as you want them to do unto you." I do not understand how people can call themselves Christian while at the same time persecuting people and trying to strip them of their civil rights. It goes against every tenet of Christianity that I was taught growing up. It's one of the main reasons that I don't like to affiliate myself with any one religion. For some people, it seems that they cannot feel safe in their beliefs unless they put down people who do not share them. Myself, I believe that if you feel strongly about something, then it shouldn't matter if nobody else agrees with you. Nobody can make you be gay. Nobody can make your children gay. It is not something that is taught or caught like a virus. Allowing others to live their lives as they wish and to have the same rights as you will not destroy families or marriages. It's the most ridiculous notion in the world to say that allowing homosexuals to have civil rights will destroy the sanctity of marriage or family. The only people who can destroy a marriage are the people who are in it. If you study history, many of the arguments that are being employed against the gay rights movement are the same ones that were employed against African-Americans and Women a hundred years ago. And look, women have been voting for, what, 90 years now. And the world has not come to an end. The government has not come crashing down around our ears. I hope that in less than a hundred years time, the arguments against gay rights sound as ridiculous as the arguments that were posed against African American and Women's rights a century ago.

What's Your Book Number?

I'm bored at work today, so I decided to figure out my book number. I started by searching for lists of top 100 novels. The first I found was by the Modern Library. It is not listed here, nor will it ever be as it had only 10 novels written by women, of which there were only 5 or so different authors, and it did not have a single one of Jane Austen's books. So not only is it anti-women authors, but the people determining it obviously have no taste. Though I must admit, it probably shouldn't be so surprising that people who like 4 of Joseph Conrad's novels (including Heart of Darkness, which still tops my list of worst books ever written) cannot appreciate the genius and wit of Jane Austen. [Post Note: It has been brought to my attention that their list is limited to 20th century authors, a fact not mentioned on the page with the list I would like to point out. I still cannot agree with anyone who thinks Heart of Darkness is worth reading. And there are DEFINITELY more than 5 women authors worth mentioning from the 20th century. Many of the women authors I read in my modern literature classes were omitted.] Continued searching unearthed BBC's The Big Read which is much more to my liking. (I also found another list that is a bit more high brow, but I'll save that for later.) For now, my Book Number is 33/100. Not too shabby, considering I'm a bad English major (I love me some genre fiction, oh yes I do) and have an incredible dislike for much of the highly lauded literary canon. Anyway, so here's the interactive part of today's post: What's your book number?

Books I have read: 33
Books I have started to read: 4
Books I own but haven't read: 6
Books I have yet to read or buy: 54
Books I refuse to ever read: 3

1. The Lord of the Rings, JRR Tolkien
2. Pride and Prejudice, Jane Austen
3. His Dark Materials, Philip Pullman
4. The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, Douglas Adams
5. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, JK Rowling
6. To Kill a Mockingbird, Harper Lee
7. Winnie the Pooh, AA Milne
8. Nineteen Eighty-Four, George Orwell
9. The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe, CS Lewis
10. Jane Eyre, Charlotte Brontë
11. Catch-22, Joseph Heller
12. Wuthering Heights, Emily Brontë
13. Birdsong, Sebastian Faulks
14. Rebecca, Daphne du Maurier
15. The Catcher in the Rye, JD Salinger
16. The Wind in the Willows, Kenneth Grahame
17. Great Expectations, Charles Dickens
18. Little Women, Louisa May Alcott
19. Captain Corelli's Mandolin, Louis de Bernieres
20. War and Peace, Leo Tolstoy
21. Gone with the Wind, Margaret Mitchell
22. Harry Potter And The Philosopher's Stone, JK Rowling
23. Harry Potter And The Chamber Of Secrets, JK Rowling
24. Harry Potter And The Prisoner Of Azkaban, JK Rowling
25. The Hobbit, JRR Tolkien
26. Tess Of The D'Urbervilles, Thomas Hardy
27. Middlemarch, George Eliot
28. A Prayer For Owen Meany, John Irving
29. The Grapes Of Wrath, John Steinbeck (I read The Red Pony and I refuse to ever read another book by Steinbeck. It was the most pointless book I've ever read.)
30. Alice's Adventures In Wonderland, Lewis Carroll
31. The Story Of Tracy Beaker, Jacqueline Wilson
32. One Hundred Years Of Solitude, Gabriel García Márquez
33. The Pillars Of The Earth, Ken Follett
34. David Copperfield, Charles Dickens
35. Charlie And The Chocolate Factory, Roald Dahl
36. Treasure Island, Robert Louis Stevenson
37. A Town Like Alice, Nevil Shute
38. Persuasion, Jane Austen
39. Dune, Frank Herbert
40. Emma, Jane Austen
41. Anne Of Green Gables, LM Montgomery
42. Watership Down, Richard Adams
43. The Great Gatsby, F Scott Fitzgerald
44. The Count Of Monte Cristo, Alexandre Dumas
45. Brideshead Revisited, Evelyn Waugh
46. Animal Farm, George Orwell
47. A Christmas Carol, Charles Dickens
48. Far From The Madding Crowd, Thomas Hardy
49. Goodnight Mister Tom, Michelle Magorian
50. The Shell Seekers, Rosamunde Pilcher
51. The Secret Garden, Frances Hodgson Burnett
52. Of Mice And Men, John Steinbeck
53. The Stand, Stephen King
54. Anna Karenina, Leo Tolstoy
55. A Suitable Boy, Vikram Seth
56. The BFG, Roald Dahl
57. Swallows And Amazons, Arthur Ransome
58. Black Beauty, Anna Sewell
59. Artemis Fowl, Eoin Colfer
60. Crime And Punishment, Fyodor Dostoyevsky
61. Noughts And Crosses, Malorie Blackman
62. Memoirs Of A Geisha, Arthur Golden
63. A Tale Of Two Cities, Charles Dickens
64. The Thorn Birds, Colleen McCollough
65. Mort, Terry Pratchett
66. The Magic Faraway Tree, Enid Blyton
67. The Magus, John Fowles
68. Good Omens, Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman
69. Guards! Guards!, Terry Pratchett
70. Lord Of The Flies, William Golding
71. Perfume, Patrick Süskind
72. The Ragged Trousered Philanthropists, Robert Tressell
73. Night Watch, Terry Pratchett
74. Matilda, Roald Dahl
75. Bridget Jones's Diary, Helen Fielding
76. The Secret History, Donna Tartt
77. The Woman In White, Wilkie Collins
78. Ulysses, James Joyce
79. Bleak House, Charles Dickens
80. Double Act, Jacqueline Wilson
81. The Twits, Roald Dahl
82. I Capture The Castle, Dodie Smith
83. Holes, Louis Sachar
84. Gormenghast, Mervyn Peake
85. The God Of Small Things, Arundhati Roy
86. Vicky Angel, Jacqueline Wilson
87. Brave New World, Aldous Huxley
88. Cold Comfort Farm, Stella Gibbons
89. Magician, Raymond E Feist
90. On The Road, Jack Kerouac
91. The Godfather, Mario Puzo
92. The Clan Of The Cave Bear, Jean M Auel
93. The Colour Of Magic, Terry Pratchett
94. The Alchemist, Paulo Coelho
95. Katherine, Anya Seton
96. Kane And Abel, Jeffrey Archer
97. Love In The Time Of Cholera, Gabriel García Márquez
98. Girls In Love, Jacqueline Wilson
99. The Princess Diaries, Meg Cabot
100. Midnight's Children, Salman Rushdie

Jaxx Recommends...Movies to Pick You Up When You're Feeling Down

You know those days. When nothing goes right and you just feel like nothing's worth it anymore or the whole world is stacked against you? Whether it's the mean reds or the blues, there's nothing like a good movie to make you feel better. At least, that's my philosophy. So here are my favorite movies when I feel in need of an emotional facelift (it's much less expensive and less painful than a physical one).

3. Pride and Prejudice: The A&E/BBC version with Colin Firth and Jennifer Ehle. Not to be confused with the Keira Knightly version that simply cannot compare. I love this movie almost as much as I love the book and have it nearly memorized. If only life worked out as perfectly and justly as an Austen novel.

Favorite Quotes: "And to all this [traits that make a woman accomplished], she must yet add something more substantial in the improvement of her mind by extensive reading." - Mr. Darcy
"An unhappy alternative is before you, Elizabeth. From this day, you must be a stranger to one of your parents. Your mother will never see you again if you do not marry Mr. Collins. And I will never see you again if you do." - Mr. Bennett

2. Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium: This one is relatively new to my list, but since I picked it up for $5 the day I got laid off, it's become a staple in the Bad Day Movie Library. Before you scoff at me for picking what appears to be a kid's movie, check it out. Yes, the narrator is a kid and the story is set in a magic toy store, but the real main character of the story is Molly Mahoney, a twenty-something girl who is searching for herself and her destiny. See? In the midst of a kid's movie, they've stuck in the story of a girl going through a quarter-life crisis. Granted, there is a fair amount of magic involved in the resolution, but I find it inspiring and it always makes me feel better about myself. Plus, it's incredibly well-written and features Dustin Hoffman and Natalie Portman.

Favorite Quote: "What are we going to do without you?" "Run the store." "Sir, I don't know how." "That's why I gave you the Congreve Cube." "But it just sits there." "What have you done with it?" "I don't know what to do with it. It's a block of wood." "Can you think of nothing?" "Well, I'm sure I could think of a million things to do with it." "There are a million things one might do with a block of wood, but, Mahoney, what do you think might happen if someone just once...believed in it." "Sir, I don't understand." - Molly Mahoney and Mr. Magorium

1. Breakfast at Tiffany's: This is my all-time favorite go-to bad day movie. There's nothing in this world that a little dose of Audrey Hepburn (as Holly Golightly) can't cure. I want to live in a world where I can stand in the rain crying and still have perfect make-up.

Favorite Quote: I don't even want to own anything until I can find a place where me and things go together. I'm not sure where that is, but I know what it's like. It's like Tiffany's...I'm crazy about Tiffany's. Listen. You know those days when you get the mean reds? ... The blues are because you're getting fat or it's been raining too long. You're just sad that's all. The mean reds are horrible; suddenly you're afraid and you don't know what you're afraid of...Well, when I get it the only thing that does any good is to jump into a cab and go to Tiffany's. Calms me down right away. The quietness and the proud look of it. Nothing very bad could happen to you there. If I could find a real life place that made me feel like that, well, then I'd buy some furniture and give the cat a name.
- Holly Golightly

IT Hates Me

It's official. Technology and I will never be friends. My computer has eaten my camera's flash card. Transfering pics from camera to computer on my old Sony Vaio (may it rest in peace) was a piece of cake. When I bought my camera last summer, I discovered that the weird little door on the side of the computer labeled "MagicGate" was for camera flash cards! (I'd always wondered why in the world my computer had a "Magic Gate.") So I was disappointed when I got a new laptop that wasn't a Sony (to match my camera) because I figured that meant I'd have to find the usb cord that came with it. But a friend said her computer could read several different types of flash cards so I decided to take a closer look at mine and low and behold, there was a little slot with three logos under it, one of which matched the one on mine. So I lined it up slid it in and went "Wait, that doesn't seem right." I tried to take it out but it was too late, it was too far in. Now it's at the back of the slot and nothing I've tried works to get it out. Which means I get to make a trip to Best Buy tomorrow. Yippee. The funny thing? Even though I've obviously put it in the wrong way, I wasn't completely off-base because the computer did read the card and import the pictures, but I'd like to have it back in my camera again. What's the point of a card reader that doesn't give you the card back? Stupid bloody electronics. Seriously, it all fucking hates me.

Hell Hath No Fury Like a Woman Unsatisfied

This video never fails to amuse me (and cheer me up). Is there any more perfect revenge? Personally, I've always been part of the camp that likes to imagine that my exes just drop off the face of the earth. It's not that I want them to die precisely, but just not make me aware of their existence ever again. Which is why I could not understand when my ex from 6-7 years ago (a high school boyfriend I should have dumped before college, but I was stupid back then) messaged me on facebook about, oh maybe 9 months ago, wanting me to "friend" him. To which I responded, "I'd rather not," though I wanted to say, "Hell no! What the fuck are you smoking, asshole?" We did not break up amicably. He accused me of cheating on him (I wasn't); I later realized he was probably cheating on me (curse you, Psychology 101). So this post is dedicated to all the asshole guys (and notice I'm not saying all guys are assholes) out there who think they're hot but they're really not.

Never Argue with a Woman

Yes, I know it's an internet chain mail joke, but as a woman who reads, I find it highly amusing and appropriate. Also, I've always preferred reading on the lake to fishing on it. Unless I can do the whole drop the line in, catch a fish instantly thing, but apparently--according to my dad anyway--that's not how one is supposed to fish.

One morning a man returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, his wife decides to take his boat out. She motors out a short distance, drops anchor, and starts reading her book.

Along comes the Game Warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside her and says, "Good morning, ma'am. What are you doing?"

"Reading a book," she replies, thinking to herself, "Isn't that obvious?"

"You're in a Restricted Fishing Area," he informs her.

"I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading."

"Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up."

"For reading a book," she replies.

"You're in a Restricted Fishing Area," he informs her again.

"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault," she says.

"But I haven't even touched you," says the game warden.

"That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment," she responds.

"Have a nice day, ma'am," he says as he leaves.

MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads. It's likely she can also think.

Budget Crackdown: Day Seven

I'm doing much better on my budget resolutions than on my new year's resolutions, though I am still walking pretty much daily (despite a couple slip ups last week). I haven't had any fast food for a week and a half and I actually ended up not spending any money going out over the weekend. That won't be the case this coming weekend (birthdays must be celebrated), but it will be limited to one night. I have also decided to add another budgetary restriction. No book buying. I was shelving books this weekend and made a list of the ones that I have and haven't read. It's too long, therefore, I am not allowed to buy any new books until I get through a sizeable chunk of the ones I already own and haven't read. I actually finished three books that I've been stumbling through forever this weekend, one being the second in a Jane Austen mystery series by Stephanie Barron that though I enjoy the idea immensely and the mysteries are so far quite intriguing, they tend to drag a bit at times with lots of historical detail that gets a bit slow, but I find it to be good research and a bit easier to digest than my Regency historical texts. I did get good news this weekend. My sister (who is studying accounting/finances) found out that there is a way for me to claim my severance so that it isn't taxed twice, which should cut my taxes in half. Take that, IRS.

And now for something completely different...
Zombie Poll Results!

1st Place is a Three-Way Tie between "I've got a cricket bat in my car just in case," "Is that who Bella Swan falls in love with next?" and "It's a hoax by the Republicans," which each received 1 vote.
In last place, with no votes, are "My best friend is one," "Zombies? What are those again?" and "What bad horror movie are you living in?"

Something to Ponder