A Literary Look at Abuse Rhetoric

A few days ago, Citizen B posted a story on abuse and it made me think of Stephen King's Rose Madder (woman tries to escape from her abusive cop husband who turns psycho and then lots of weird shit happens...it is a Stephen King novel after all...but all in all it's a happy story because she does get away from him). Then today I'm reading Dostoyevsky's Crime and Punishment and come across the following defense of this reprehensible man's actions (he propositioned Raskolnikov's sister when she was working as a governess in his house, she refused him but his wife blamed her and fired her):

I pursued a defenseless girl in my own home, and I 'offended her with my infamous proposals'--is that it? (I'm getting a little ahead of myself!) Just suppose, however, that I, too, am a man, et nihil humanum...in a word, that I can be attracted and fall in love (and of course that doesn't happen to us according to our will)...and everything's accounted for in the most natural manner. The whole question boils down to this: am I a monster or am I a victim? Well, you may ask, what do you mean, 'victim'? Well, when I proposed to my object that she run away with me to America or Switzerland, I might have been nourishing the most worthy sentiments all along, and I might even have been planning our mutual happiness! ... my conscience is absolutely clear in the matter [of his wife's recent death, which rumors say he caused]. ... I thought: didn't I contribute to all this...bad luck...by upsetting her morally in some way, or something of that sort? Even that I concluded was definitely out of the question. ... But why do you laugh? Just think: I only hit her twice with the switch. There weren't even any traces that showed...You mustn't think I'm a cynic. I can assure you I know just how beastly it was on my part and all that. I also happen to know for certain, mind you, that Martha Petrovna [his wife] was actually quite pleased with what you might call this little diversion of mine. ... I won't even go into the fact that there are times when women find it very very agreeable to be offended, all their apparent indignation to the contrary notwithstanding. They all have times like that. Man in general enjoys offense--haven't you noticed? But women especially. You might even say it's all they've got to live on. ... We lived quite harmoniously, and she was always content with me. During our seven years together I used the switch only twice in all (not counting a third time that was extremely ambiguous anyway). ... And you thought I was a monster, a reactionary, a serf owner? - Arkady Ivanovich Svidrigailov

The tone of the rest of the novel leads me to suppose that Dostoyevsky is exaggerating an "accepted" point of view in order to make people think about it and consider it more closely. The sad thing is that I still come across stories of abuse (and rape) where men justify their behavior by making similar arguments. "She wanted it." "She was asking for it." I've had people accuse me of being overly cautious because I don't go walking in my neighborhood after dark; I don't go to bars or clubs by myself; and I insist on living in a gated community. But from junior high/high school on up, I've had it drilled into me that I must be careful to avoid situations where I might get raped. That going out late at night in a slutty outfit is a bad idea. I'm not saying I agree with these things. I wish that it didn't matter what I wore or where I went or what time of night it is. The only thing that should matter is whether I want the attentions that may be focused upon me. But the fact of the matter is that this isn't so. Women get raped. Women get hit. Women get verbally abused. And men continue to tell us that we deserve it. That we like it. That underneath it all, we actually want them to do these horrible things. What we need is to help each other (like the woman's boss in the story Citizen B posted) stand up and say "No. We don't. We're not going to take it anymore."